My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
