I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
