the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
