if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize