the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
