hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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