Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
