Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
