Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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