direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize