This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
