Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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