I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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