I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
