My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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