forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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