you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
