he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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