Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
