Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
