my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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