Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
