Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
