I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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