ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
