I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
