and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
