someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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