The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
