Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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