Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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