I am puke
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
