Grow some girl-balls and come out already
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize