I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
