he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
