Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
