and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
