I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dignity is for republicans.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
