he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
please come you make the beer taste better
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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