She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
