Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
