I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
