Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
