He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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