"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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