Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
