I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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