Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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