I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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