I'm jealous of your bromance
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
