sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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