you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
