Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
