can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
