woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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