I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
