Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
