omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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