I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
