Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
