You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
