that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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