sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
