onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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