You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
