I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bring me that man meat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
